I'm sick

I'm sick.Last Saturday afternoon, my housemate Tuz Kuang was admitted into Putra Hospital for Dengue fever.He is still there.His platelet count is low,but he will survive.Haven't gone and seen him.
I'm sick.Last Saturday evening as I was staying over in FGA's house 3 for the girl leaders' overnight retreat,I developed fever.Mild fever.I still have it. 37.4 degrees celcius.Do I have dengue?I don't know.Nobody does.We'll have to wait and see.Sunday was all hot flushes and sweating.But I told no one.
I'm sick.Today is Monday and I went to Pusat Kesihatan UPM to see a doctor.No fever detected.Blood pressure normal,appetite normal.Doctor says,we'll wait and see.In the meantime, Panadol and Vitamin C, and drink lots of water.
I'm sick, and my mum is worried sick.My housemates are paranoid, and the mosquitoes are still biting me, even though I've sprayed,turned on the VapeMat and rubbed repellent on my exposed skin.Very persistent creatures.There's something to learn.


I'm sick.Saturday evening as I was sitting down in a chat group with some other girl leaders,I told them about the list.
The list of "Definitions".It's a list I wrote one night,of all
the people that have ever hurt me in one way or another.I'm sick .Hence the list.I still keep it.I haven't come to a point where I want to burn and forget it.I know what God's telling me.Burn it .Let it go.Forgive.But I can't.Not yet.It's blocking me from Him.I know.
Don't try to post advice. I have enough.I already know what's right.I already know what should be done.Don't need you to tell me what to do.Don't assume you know what's going on in my life.Don't assume you're right*Whatever*I don't care.If you want to do something for me,here's what to do.Listen to me.
I'm sick.I'm fed-up.I'm just so sick.
Of people who think they're better than me.
Of people who think I'm stupid, just because i joke a lot.
Of people who assume that its their job to discipline me and tell me off,and are convinced they're doing the right thing.
Of people who talk to me as though I'm retarded.
Of inconciderate people who don't let me sleep at night because of
their noise.
Of people who think they're holier than me ,so they say things like, maybe it's you who is wrong that's why blah blah.
Yeah i know i'm wrong.It's always me .I make people hurt me.I'm horrible.That's why i deserve it.
One day I might just explode, and take something and start blasting these people's guts out.
Because i'm just so sick.I really feel like killing something.

Note:I'm serious.I don't don't need advice.I lost count after unwanted advice number 1544 or something.I need ears.Nobody's listening.They all seem to be talking.I think none of the advice worked because none af them actually listened.They just talked.and talked and talked.