Fighting to Breathe

Nothing works anymore.

The burdens pile up
but not the escape doors.
What I would give,
for a place of rest.

Je ne comprend pas, Dieu.
Ce que je fait mal?

Welcome to The Real World

I am in pain. It's the kind that makes you wish for death. It starts in the back, moves up the spine, spreads through the shoulders like wildfire and then plunges down into the abdomen like a serpent from hell. Stops there for a while and creeps up to my heart where it has stayed for the past I-don't know-how-long, scrunching and pulling. Refusing to leave no matter how much I struggle. If it doesn't go away, I'm thinking of taking a knife and cutting it out myself.
Yes, you are part of the cause.
You've destroyed us and now you're paying the price. You judgemental bastard!. The island you've found yourself in is of your own creation.
Even now I have to live with the labels you forced upon me. People think I'm a timid, nerdy, incapable of public speech or confrontation. All of it changes now. NOW.
You've done worse to others. You've destroyed their reputation and their trust in their fellow believers. You've left nothing but a legacy of merciless judgementalism, narrow-mindedness and outright resistance to the work of the Holy Spirit. Which your disciples still follow to this day. They still carry your blood sentiments.
Well, I'm leaving them. Call it what you want. The 'great divorce'.
You deserve every drop of loneliness. I have no more tender feelings in my heart. They are gone. Long gone.

Bad news, Good news, Indifferent news.

Bad news:My favourite Korean restaurant closed down a month ago*sob*sniffle*sniffle*. No more 10 ringgit set lunches at Dae Jang Geum...no more toppokgi....worst of all,
Yours truly has been reduced to surviving on canned kimchi. [God], this is so unfair......

Indifferent News:

There's this discounted book fair being held by MPH at Sri Petaling's IMU campus, so I went yesterday with Jie Min. (Hmm..nowadays, I seem to pick up all my books at book fairs). Anyway, one of the spoils is shown above....

Book is not read yet, any way the point is...the acknowledgements page (soorry for the bad picture), if you can make out the first line, it says , I quote:
" My sincerest thanks to Angela Aki, dear friend and first to read this book...."

Whoa.. Angela Aki?
You mean this Angela Aki...

The Famous half Italian/American Japanese singer songwriter Angela Aki?
Actually that's not impossible, since the author ( according to the brief cover overleaf biography) "..has worked as a teacher in Japan, where he has lived on and off..."


Good news:
We have discovered ( or re-discovered) Clazziquai, house/blues/hip-hop band from South Korea. I first heard them on the series 'My name is Kim Sam Soon'. Their latest album Mucho Punk is the only album (excluding YUI) that I can listen from start to finish and not feel bored.


One male vocalist, one female,
and one extremely talented sound engineer/composer dude.

Nobody Comes Here

Dear okyaku-sama(guest),
We are fine. Genki-desu.
Thank you,thank you.

We recently found an interesting Japanese proverb....

悪女の深情け

Hiragana : あくじょのふかなさけ

Romaji: Akujyo no fuka nasake

Translated: An ugly woman is more passionate.

Eh...?
Iii..Yaiyaiyaiyaiyaiyai...yah!!
(Note: this is not Japanese, just a random sound)

What's been happening?

A lot of sadness, but much encouragement.
Yes, Ma.
Keeping quiet is a form of dignity. I'm slowly understanding this.
Silence is not the manifestation of fear....but choosing something more important,
peace.

On the other hand,
we are kept busy with research and numerous hobbies(guitar/jamming with worship team/reading inconsequential romances from Barbara Cartland/anime/cosplay costume/etc.).
As we're typing this.. Go!Go!7188 is playing in one window,while Departures on another.


Kata omoi= unrequited love.
Funny.In a totally weird way.
stuff to look out for :

00:12 = Criminal (30)
01:58= criminal's mother (32)
00:57= ouch!
01:38= cumulative dragon ball?
bracket = age
random instruments appearing and disappearing.

sore dewa, mata ne.

Zee Avi 's Kantoi

is my current favvy....


I love the manglish,it's so original. Never been done before I think..
manglish+ukelele= lurve.

I'm proud to call her Malaysian. Anyway, her namesake album is out and she's signed to Jack Johnson's Brushfire Records.
Malaysia Boleh!!
People like her are why I wanna go to a live house so badly...

Never Say Die- YUI

Finally, the video of Never Say Die is here:
(Credit: Jarekmasta @YL)
This is the other half of It's All too much/ Never Say Die double 'A' side single due for release on October 7th 2009. Both songs are featured in the upcoming movie 'Kaiji'.

The PV features over 200 extras, all girls. They were split into 2 scenes; football field and live house. Anyway there was a lot of screaming when YUI showed up at the field filming session to thank the extras, even though she wasn't involved.(This is from the 'making of..' vid)

We loves the all female concept. Maybe because I played footie as a teen, so I can relate to the whole 'girl power' mode she's on right now. If you noticed, her band for It's all too much vid and this vid are women too. Her drummer mai mai-san is actually 34 years young...rock on!

Anyway, SONY records seem to be slashing everyone who puts up her PVs on video sharing sites. *sad**sad*

Never Say Die Lyrics

Romaji (by yupeh/Rob)

YAN nacchau keredo
ii koto ga anno mo jinsei sou yatte tsudzukenda
Baby Never mind Never say die

damashiau koto sore mo aru desho
kagami no naka no kimi datte wakatteru hazu
ue wo mitetara uchuu made tonda
hatenai aozora ashita docchi da?

yan na kya nannai koto
yattatte umaku yukanakute
ochikonjau toki mo
Baby Never mind Never say die

zurui yatsura to ohitoyoshi ja
kanau wakenai demo kawarenai
kamisama ni sugaritakunatte
KOIN nagekonda It's alright

YAN nacchau keredo
ii koto ga anno mo jinsei sou yatte tsudzukenda
Baby Never mind Never say die

chikaratsukite nemuru toki ki ha makireru keredo

yan na kya nannai koto
mata tokidoki mienakunatte
tachidomatte kangaenda
demo Baby Never mind Never say

YAN nacchau keredo
ii koto ga anno mo jinsei sou yatte tsudzukenda
Baby Never mind Never say die

Translation(by Uchihamel)

At times we get sick and tired of everything
But good things are part of life too
That’s how we continue living on
Baby Never mind Never say die

Deception occurs sometimes
Even your reflection in the mirror probably knows that
Looking up, we’re flying right into outer space
Where will the boundless blue skies of tomorrow be?

Things which you just got to do
Be it accomplishing them or when it's not going smoothly
Even when you’re feeling down
Baby Never mind Never say die

Overly-kind people are just no match for sneaky ones
But nothing can be changed
I feel like relying on God
Tossing in a coin It’s alright

At times we get sick and tired of everything
But good things are part of life too
That’s how we continue living on
Baby Never mind Never say die

Though exhausting all energy and falling asleep
Is a way to take my mind off thoughts for a while

Things which you just got to do
And at times you can’t see clearly
Stopping in my tracks and thinking
But Baby Never mind Never say

At times we get sick and tired of everything
But good things are part of life too
That’s how we continue living on
Baby Never mind Never say die

-End-

This line... "kamisama ni sugaritakunatte" or "..I'm relying on God" makes me wonder if she's a believer.Although, she does constantly refers to God in her songs (Think 'HELP'). Hmm..

Anyway, just for fun...

Tips when Identifying Yui as YUI:

There are like 10 or more Yui-s in Japanese entertainment. How to know which Yui is YUI

1) All other Yuis use their surname.

2) If the girl in the pix/vid is smiling (with teeth), it's probably not YUI (hehe, internal fan joke).

3) If there's a cute, pink frilly dress involved, it's definitely NOT her.

4) If there's dancing in the video, confirm-firm it's not her.

This is Horie Yui by the way. I (very occasionally) listen to her songs.

5) YUI never reveals shoulders or kneecaps above. (There's only 2 photos very early in her career where she bares her shoulders). So...

Sleeveless tops *not her*

Tank top *not her*

short skirt* not her*

hot pants *not her*

fancy hairstyle *not her*. Talk about tutup aurat.

6) Usually a guitar is somewhere near.

7)If the person's striking a kawaii(cute) or sexy pose, you don't even have to ask.(Nope, not her)

8) If the person has vaguely blank or dreamy faraway expression, Yes, it's her.

9) If it's a love song with cheesy lyrics like " your eyes are beautiful, stay with me, let's not break up,etc', chances are it's NOT her.

10) If her head is tilted to the right, there's a 50% possibility.

11) If she wiggles her way out of personal questions like "How does it feel like to kiss Takashi Tsukamoto?" with a nondescript answer like"because I was immersing myself in the character....she was trying her best to live in her limited time" , it's definitely YUI.

12) YUI has a tendency to agree with herself when giving interview answers. ('etcblahblah'..then 'uum' with a nod)

sore dewa, jaa ne.

Random Midmorning Post

This guy is freakin' awesome,
and he's really funny too....

It's Because Life Is Not Simple...

that I can go on living
-LIFE by YUI


So reality is like this.
Rejection, dissappointments,
hurt, cheated of my inheritance.

I always believed that if I work hard and do my best in life, all of this won't bother me. But some days,

somedays they do.

Nevertheless, even if I don't talk about it..
I will work hard at living, and do my best.
I will continue to believe.
I will continue to improve myself.

ne, so deshou?